Friday, October 19, 2012

Searching for Happiness

I feel like a complete failure this week.   I didn't work out at all and I didn't abstain from drinking.   What a bust.

I saw a quote recently that said "If you're tired of starting over, stop giving up".   I am making this my new motto.   I'm really tired of telling myself every week, this week will be different.  I'll go to the gym every morning and I won't drink at all.   These words have been on repeat in my head for months.   And frankly, I'm getting sick of hearing the same old thing.   And I'm tired of making the same old excuses.   I keep thinking that things are magically going to change.  That one day I will wake up and won't be so damn depressed with my life.   Obviously, there is no magic and if I am so unhappy and want things to change, I have to do it myself!  I mean, I know this.  

So.  Here it is.  My declaration.  I am DONE making excuses.  I am DONE with starting over.  Tomorrow morning, I am going to get up, clean my house, go to the gym and workout and go to my therapy appointment.  I am going to clean my car out.  I am going to give myself a manicure, a pedicure, and a facial.  Maybe pampering myself a bit will help me feel a little better about myself.  I am going to take Hugo for a nice long walk at the Metroparks.  And I am going to watch a movie I checked out from the library.   I am going to go to Mass at 4 PM.  And I am going to work on my vision board.

Sunday I am going to workout in the morning and take Hugo to the dog park so he can run around for a few hours.   I am going to catch up on my shows and work on my fitness notebook.  Sunday afternoon,  I have a raffle to go to, and I will not, WILL NOT, drink while I am there.  I will use every single ounce of willpower I have in order to stay away from alcohol, but I will do it.   Right now, I feel like my whole life depends on staying away from drinking. 

Come Monday morning, I will be in the gym at 5:30 AM.  And I will be there every single weekday morning at the time.  NO MORE EXCUSES. 

Now that that is off my chest and out in the open, I feel somewhat better.    The best thing I think I can do is to put these declarations on the fridge where I can see them every day.   I am just so tired of feeling bad about myself and my life, and I need to make these changes.   Going to church will hopefully help, because I definitely need God's help to succeed.

I think that's enough of the heavy stuff for today.  =)

Now, on to the exciting news.  I got a new piercing Wednesday night!   I have been wanting my industrial pierced for so long, and I finally got it done!!

I was really surprised that it didn't hurt like I thought it was going to.  In fact, it didn't really hurt at all.  I liked the place I had it done, and plan on going back there for my skull and crossbones tattoos that I am planning on getting done.  Hopefully that will happen soon!

Time for some work now!  Happy Friday!



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